A Culture of Kindness
The values of helpfulness, community, and cleanliness in Japan
Re-entry into the USA after a two-week trip to Japan yesterday triggered my desire to write about the experience of being in a culture that values community and group harmony. The visit is why I haven’t written here in a while, so please excuse me. There is much to say about the Japanese, particularly about why there is no litter or garbage. Why are public bathrooms so pristine? The toilets flush magically without pushing a button. Why are people constantly saying thank you, arrigato gozai mas! and bow with hands folded in prayer as they do so out of respect? Why are there elevators dedicated exclusively to the elderly, pregnant, and handicapped? Why do people wait their turn patiently without pushing ahead? It is a remarkable juxtaposition to the independent way of being in the United States where we seemingly only care about ourselves and our comfort.
This particularly hit home the day I arrived. My dear friend Leslie picked me up at the Denver airport after the long flight from Narita where I left at 4:30 p.m. on Monday and arrived at 11 a.m. on Monday! — a never-ending day. It’s more than crossing the International Dateline. I had the eerie feeling of being a time traveler, crashing through an invisible barrier that left me disoriented, depleted, and adrift. The adjustment of going from west to east takes days and is non-linear.
Are you hungry? Leslie asked. I said, sure, I could eat something. We headed for tony Cherry Creek North. The Shi Shi neighborhood is filled with designer shops and upscale restaurants. We went to a salad spot and I headed directly to the bathroom, where paper was strewn on the floor, the bowl needed cleaning, and I used paper towels to open and close the faucet and the door handle. After we ordered, we picked an open table. I noticed the top was strewn with crumbs and drink spills that I needed to wipe down. This reminded me of how different we are from the Japanese, and how little we think of the next person who might use the space. The concept of respect runs deep in Japan, even extending to those we may not know who come behind us.
What is worth noting here is that very young children are acculturated early to conform to these societal norms of behavior: group harmony is essential. This means prioritizing the well-being of the community over individual needs. In the West, we are a society of rugged individualists. We usually think of ourselves above others. We are competitive and race to get to the front of the line often pushing others aside. In Japan, being kind, helpful, and considerate to others ensures that the group functions smoothly and peacefully. Leslie sent me this article that illustrates how Japanese school children begin to learn this … with their backpacks!
It is easy to get lost in Tokyo, a city far more dense than New York, or anywhere for that matter. I spent the last six days of my trip there and only on day four was I able to somewhat competently manage the subway with the help of my friend and travel companion Annie. I was known to stand at corners and call out to anyone who would listen, Does anyone speak English? I have no shame!
Someone always came forward to help. They included a young couple, an adult daughter with her silver-haired mother, a pair of businessmen, and two stylish twenty-somethings clutching Prada handbags. Not only would they steer us in the right direction, they insisted on getting us there. Sometimes, this meant going blocks out of their way. I learned that the concept of hospitality plays a big role in the culture. People are taught from a young age to anticipate each others’ needs and offer help without expecting anything in return. This was an amazing and memorable experience.
Religion plays a big part in this. Society is homogenous, although more and more immigrants, especially from the USA and Europe, are helping to fill the workplace's needs. Japan’s Shinto religion places importance on cleanliness and purity. We found very few public trash cans. Everyone is taught to take their own litter home and dispose of it properly. In addition, people conform to these high standards of behavior because of strong social pressure and the historical samurai code emphasizing discipline, honor, and respect.
Being in Japan is a learning experience and an opportunity to see how another culture functions. I was happy to return home to Taos, New Mexico, with mountains, and wide open spaces. But the allure of Japan continues to call me.
My company, Oaxaca Cultural Navigator, will offer a Japan Culture and Textile Tour in October 2025. If you are interested in learning more, please send me an email. Thank you very much for reading.
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